Posted on August 13, 2007
Because I’m not.
I ask this question every time I see a certain friend of mine who got married two years ago. She always happily affirms that she is, indeed, still in love, and I roll my eyes. At our most recent coffee-date, however, we got down to brass tacks. What exactly do we mean when we say that we are – or are not – in love?
When I am in love, I experience the following symptoms:
- Loss of appetite. I can eat if I have to, but I never want to. This symptom lasts anywhere from three to six months, and is my favourite weight-loss plan. (The Divorce Diet is equally effective, but not nearly as fun.)
- Inability to be away from the loved one. Circumstances usually dictate that separations must occur, but these feel unnatural and wrong, as if I’m walking around with a bloody stump where my arm used to be, and bystanders are getting dripped on.
- Waves of euphoria when I am with the loved one. Better than chocolate. (This symptom applies only to requited love.)
- Instant, effortless memorization of every word that passes the loved one’s lips. (This symptom is especially true for unrequited love.)
