Are You Still in Love?

By Bub and Pie
Posted on August 13, 2007

Because I’m not.

I ask this question every time I see a certain friend of mine who got married two years ago. She always happily affirms that she is, indeed, still in love, and I roll my eyes. At our most recent coffee-date, however, we got down to brass tacks. What exactly do we mean when we say that we are – or are not – in love?

When I am in love, I experience the following symptoms:

• Loss of appetite. I can eat if I have to, but I never want to. This symptom lasts anywhere from three to six months, and is my favourite weight-loss plan. (The Divorce Diet is equally effective, but not nearly as fun.)
  
  
• Inability to be away from the loved one. Circumstances usually dictate that separations must occur, but these feel unnatural and wrong, as if I’m walking around with a bloody stump where my arm used to be, and bystanders are getting dripped on.
  
  
• Waves of euphoria when I am with the loved one. Better than chocolate. (This symptom applies only to requited love.)
  
  
• Instant, effortless memorization of every word that passes the loved one’s lips. (This symptom is especially true for unrequited love.)
  

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